When Life Has A Mind Of Its Own
Ever set your sights on something, only to have life take you someplace crappy? It’ll do that sometimes.
It’s like planning an awesome Mai Tai drenched beach vacation, you know the one where you drink "responsibly", wake up in a hotel room that isn't yours, and wonder how you got that scar over your kidney. Instead you have to cancel your travel excursion because your manager is behind on his TPS reports.
And no, I don’t know where your stapler is.
It’s during those times I'm told that life has a mind of its own.
While we can make plans and do everything perceivably necessary to do the thing we want, life may instead kick you in the balls… vulva…or both. It's 2024.
Sometimes, stuff happens in a way that we don't like.
Emotional Whiplash
Before we traverse, using respectable intelligence of course, into the subject of events veering asunder, I think the biggest hurdle comes from part of what makes us human.
Our emotions take a beating.
It’s a special kind of gut punch, isn’t it?
You feel like you’ve been tricked into a game you never agreed to play.
And as much as we’d like to think we’re rational beings, these shifts can send us into an emotional tailspin. Even worse, regret and inadequacy waltz in, making us compare ourselves to others who seem to have it all figured out.
Get this. They probably don't, but that's for another post.
When emotions run wild, we react rather than respond.
We might jump into decisions just to regain a sense of control, even if those choices are less about strategy and more about desperation. It's like grabbing the first life raft without checking if it has a hole in it.
Emotions can be dangerous, but can also give great orgasms.
Man. Life really is bittersweet.
I Control My Life, Except When I Don't
The emotional side of life is huge. Frankly, without it, I would imagine much of what we do wouldn't be worth it. As groovy as that is, it can definitely work against us. A basic understanding of that means intense feelings can heighten and help, while simultaneously hindering and holding back.
Conditions, circumstances, and interactions trigger those different emotions.
There is this great article about emotions you can read here posted on the Psychology Today website. I found it very helpful.
It's been argued that all sorts of emotions lay dormant, waiting for the moment to rise up. If that is true, how much can we control the events of our lives?
I like to believe I control my life.
In fact, (Insert Self Help Book), written by (Self Help Author), reasonably priced at $19.99, sold through Amazon, told me that I not only control my life but now have the "secret" that only 30 million people know.
The last time I went body surfing, I arrived at the beach and saw the waves were choppy. They were all over the place and breaking on the shoreline. I used the power of my mind to see the waves as these perfectly shaped arcs of water, majestically falling onto a higher tide with an adjusted wind speed. I felt it. I expected it. I felt it as done, and thus declared into reality!
I boldly ran into the water and dove into a wave with the power of my intentions supporting me.
Less than 2 minutes later, I was smacked onto the break,, wind knocked out of me, gasping for air with my left shoulder bloodied from scraping rocky sand.
Blood in the water? Breeding grounds for Great Whites?
I shall manifest a safe ocean for myself where dolphins gleefully life me above the water.
Pocket that. I got the fu@k out of the water and went home.
How much control do we really have over our lives?
I planned to body surf that day. The conditions were bad. The weather report said it would be great just days ago, but a storm came suddenly from the South.
We like to believe we’re the captains of our ships, steering confidently towards our destinations. But let’s be real for a second: the waters are full of hidden currents, unpredictable storms, and the occasional pirate attack.
Philosophers have been arguing about this forever. Jean-Paul Sartre says we’re free to create our essence through choices, while the Stoics, with their trademark calm, remind us we can’t control the waves but we can steer our reaction to them. Then there’s Spinoza, who’s all about determinism, claiming that we’re just riding the currents of a pre-determined universe.
Honestly, no one really knows.
What we do know is that despite our best-laid plans, life tends to do its own thing, often without consulting us first.
Does Life Have A Mind Of Its Own?
Ever get the feeling that life is a bit too clever for its own good?
Like it’s playing some elaborate game with us, nudging us toward unexpected places just when we think we’ve got everything figured out. It’s almost as if life has a mind of its own, a consciousness that’s always a step ahead, orchestrating a series of plot twists that even the best novelists couldn’t dream up.
Take a moment and think about those times when you felt like you were in sync, everything falling into place as if guided by some unseen hand.
When things align perfectly, it’s easy to believe that life itself might be aware, responding to our moves, and maybe even whispering, “I’ve got something special planned for you.”
On the flip side, consider how quickly life put its foot out, causing you to trip where it points and laughs, "Sucker."
Maybe it’s not so much that life is conscious but that it operates on a kind of probability that’s impossible to predict.
Like a cosmic slot machine, life throws together a random combination of events, sometimes hitting the jackpot, and other times leaving us wondering how we ended up with three broken fingers and owing $10,000.
Nassim Nicholas Taleb would probably say it’s all about randomness and chance, where luck plays a bigger role than we’d like to admit.
So, are we dancing with a mindful life or simply at the mercy of chaotic probabilities?
It’s a riddle wrapped in an enigma, where every attempt to decipher life’s intent only leads to more questions.
I Keep Coming Back To Wu Wei
Here's where it gets interesting.
Rigidity might seem like strength, but it often leads to more pain when life does its thing. I've found that once I get over the emotional whiplash, and stop resisting what is right in front of me, everything feels…better.
I get it.
You’ve got your plans all laid out, a roadmap to somewhere, but then, life decides to take an unexpected turn down a bumpy, less scenic route. Suddenly, you’re not heading towards that idyllic vista you imagined but stumbling through a labyrinth of detours and dead ends. It’s the kind of twist that makes you want to grab the wheel and steer back on course, but sometimes, the only sane option is to let go and see where the road takes you.
Letting go, or Wu Wei is like unclenching your grip on the steering wheel during a skid.
It feels counterintuitive and terrifying, but it's more right than wrong. Clinging too tightly to our plans can drag us into a whirlwind of frustration and resistance, amplifying every pothole into a crater and every curve into a cliff edge.
To be clear, I'm not saying to stop doing anything.
If you can stop yourself from going over the cliff, do that, but that's not usually what's before us. It's generally the disappointment of getting or doing the thing we hoped to.
Death isn't generally an immediate consequence.
The article, How To Let Go And Why It's So Important For Wellbeing, explains how Wu Wei, or letting go, frees the mind.
When life does an-about-step, it tends to crunch the mind. That brings about emotional distress which clouds thinking. The longer we stay emotional, the less likely we can see clearly.
Learning to let go drops the emotional baggage.
Dancing With Life
In previous articles, I wrote about how one of my plans related to work didn't quite go the way I thought it would. Though I kind of saw it coming, I still was rocked by it.
I have a job, and it's not bad by any means, but certainly not what it was originally.
For a day I was…upset.
I did let go, and by the evening, I saw opportunities I didn't realize.
When I think about it, it’s not about giving up or resigning yourself to fate, but rather, shifting perspective.
Life doesn’t follow a straight line. It’s more like a dance, with unexpected steps and rhythms. We might plan our moves, but there’s a beat beyond our control. It’s a partner leading us through a complicated choreography, sometimes with elegant grace and others with the frenzy of coke fiend.
Change is the only constant. Technology evolves, economies shift, personal dynamics change, and we have to adapt. This dance of life demands flexibility. Clinging too tightly to our plans can create friction; letting go allows us to move fluidly with the music of our lives.
Whether it’s conscious or a series of probabilistic outcomes, life remains an elusive companion, one that keeps us guessing with every step. All we can do is enjoy the ride, even if we’re not entirely sure who’s leading.