Apparently It's My Fault When Life Goes Wrong

Ever found yourself smacked by one of life’s curveballs, left dazed and wondering where to point the finger? According to many self-help gurus, it's my fault. Who would have thought?

In decades of being alive on this earth, I've seen that some happen to life and others that life happens to them. For a long time, I thought it was just a duality of personal choices molding the world.

 Is it Really Anyone’s Fault?

Here's a shocker. 

Life is unpredictable, a mix of choices and random events. 

Vern Sheridan Poythress a distinguished theologian, philosopher, and mathematician argues that there is a contradiction between random occurrences and the concept of an all-controlling divine power. 

In other words, everything that happens does so with purpose and meaning.

Yet, Nassim Nicholas Taleb, an essayist, scholar, statistician, former trader, and risk analyst, best known for his work on probability, uncertainty, and randomness, suggests that luck and randomness play a far greater role than we typically acknowledge.

In plain speak, probability is more of a thing than not.

 What I'm getting at is that sometimes you make a decision thinking it’s the right one, and it blows up in your face. Other times, you’re swept into chaos without a clue how you got there. 

It’s tempting to analyze every detail, to find out where you went wrong or who to blame. The problem is that not every twist and turn in life comes with a clear-cut explanation. 

The Irony of Blame

Pointing fingers at others might bring a fleeting sense of relief, but it’s ironically counterproductive. 

Blame can trap you in a cycle of anger and victimhood. Even if someone else is at fault, stewing in anger won’t fix anything. Instead, it tends to magnify the crappiness of the situation, choking any genuine rationality of what to do next. 

Take Charge, Not Blame

Almost sounds like a financial advert for a retirement fund by a megalithic bank who swears they have your best interests in mind.

At the same time, I've found there is power in taking responsibility.

I don't mean for causing the problem, but to find the way out. 

It’s not about shouldering the blame for everything that goes wrong; it’s about recognizing that, regardless of the cause, the solution now rests with you. 

So what does that mean? 

Really it's just about getting up and doing something productive, ideally with intention. 

Here's a personal example.

I was faced with a scenario at work that was just getting worse by the day. I like my job and it's been a solid few years for sure. Sadly, that's changed. Each year my income from that company is dwindling. 

Now, I can cry about it, blaming the craptastic management of the company (and I wouldn't be wrong), or I can take some kind of reasonable action to better things. Currently, I've adjusted my budget and reduced some monthly expenses. I'm also actively looking for work/income opportunities elsewhere while still employed. 

I'll do my job and do it well, but my free time is focused on finding something else. Hopefully things at work will turn positively, but it’s doubtful. Until then, it finances what I need, and no longer is a place that benefits from my passion.

I'm not bitter…bummed, sure…but it's not worth the energy to be angry about circumstances outside of my immediate control.

Fate or Not, You Have a Role

Whether you believe in fate or not, adopting an attitude of perseverance and proactive change can only help. 

It’s about playing the cards you’re dealt as skillfully as you can, always looking to improve your hand. Embrace the idea that while you may not control every event, you can control your response and your efforts to make the best of any situation.

Remember Wu Wei? 

Wu Wei. It's an ancient Taoist philosophy that means "non-action" or "effortless action."  

Practically, it's this way of living life where you tend to almost not care about the what or how, but simultaneously move through the event, allowing it to just happen.

To be clear, this doesn’t mean giving up. 

It's about not forcing solutions or obsessing over every detail. 

Let go emotionally, trust the process, and focus on steady, calm progress. Often, the best solutions emerge when you’re not straining to find them and when you’re open to unexpected opportunities.

I guess you could say it's about not giving a $h!t, except you do without worrying.

If you want to read more about it, I eloquently composed a most magnificent article on the subject. 😉

About It Being My Fault

Sometimes I'm the absolute reason things don't go well, and other times I'm not. 

In a way, I'm sort of like the driver of a boat. If I know there are rocks in the way, I can around them, or I can try going through. If I go through, maybe I make it, and maybe I won't. If I crashed, I suppose I could have gone around.

Of course, the weather could go all storm on me, and then where would I be? 

It's my fault. 

I got in the damn boat.

Then again, it was my buddy who suggested I go to begin with. 

Better give a $h!t and not worry about it. 😅