Good Things Always Happen
…but so do bad things.
I thought I'd write another post on this topic. Despite stock market rallies and record profits, there are a lot of hard times for many. Hopefully, this brightens your day just a little.
The Good And The Bad
The human mind has this natural inclination to categorize events as either good or bad based on our expectations and experiences. Good is associated with pleasure, success, and advancement, while bad is linked to pain, failure, and setbacks.
However, you may want to consider this. Life is just life.
Think about a promotion at work. Most would see that as a success and thereby a good thing. In contrast, a heartbreak may seem like the epitome of pain.
If you removed yourself emotionally from both, observing it from a distance, what would you see?
Two events, one where a person is promoted, and another where someone ends a personal relationship. Is it either good or bad? To answer that we would have to insert ourselves back into the picture and determine what effect it would have.
Now, let's say the promotion at work leads to longer hours, greater stress, and less free time. Is that still good? I suppose it depends on what you value. If it's money or a sense of power, then maybe.
Consider the breakup. This person 3 months later meets someone so extraordinary that the two soon become married. Was that breakup still bad?
The reality is that it's important to acknowledge that both good and bad experiences shape our lives and contribute to our growth as individuals. Without the lows, we wouldn't appreciate the highs; without failure, success would lose its sweetness.
We Feel The Bad More And For Longer
Bad moments often linger in our minds far longer and with greater intensity than good ones.
This phenomenon, often referred to as the negativity bias, stems from evolutionary factors and psychological mechanisms. This article from Very Well Mind does a solid job explaining it.
Basically, our ancestors' survival depended on their ability to remember and learn from negative experiences to avoid potential dangers. As a result, our brains have become finely tuned to give more weight to negative stimuli.
When we experience something negative, whether it's a failure, a loss, or a conflict, our brains react strongly. The emotional response triggered by these events is often more intense and longer-lasting compared to positive ones. Negative emotions, such as fear, sadness, or anger, tend to be more powerful and demanding of our attention. They can hijack our thoughts, making it difficult to focus on anything else.
We also tend to focus heavily on negative events, replaying and analyzing them over and over. Generally, good events are not scrutinized nearly as much as bad ones.
Statistically, Good Things Will Happen
Statistically speaking, the concept that good things must eventually happen is rooted in probability theory and the law of large numbers. This principle suggests that given a large number of trials or opportunities, favorable outcomes become increasingly probable.
This can be seen in something as simple as a coin toss. The probability of getting heads or tails is 50%. With enough tosses, the law of large numbers dictates that the proportion of heads and tails will converge to this probability.
Similarly, in life, opportunities and events can be seen as trials governed by these kinds of probabilities. Over time, if you keep trying or seizing opportunities, the chances of encountering positive outcomes increase.
There are a few other concepts as well that prove favorable for eventual good times.
One has to do with a regression to the mean, which essentially suggests that extreme good or bad will eventually move closer to the average over time. In other words, think of the most terrible events and then realize that given a long enough time, those horrible moments must turn for the better.
The next concept is adaptability. We all do this, even if we don't realize it.
Should we fall prey to a bad event, like making a decision that leads to a bad outcome, we tend to avoid making those same choices again in the future. This leads to an understanding that one action can lead to another, and we thereby do that action less, if not at all.
What To Do During The Not So Good Times
If life isn't going great, I know I tend to look at what I can do to turn things around. However, sometimes, it's out of my control or direct influence. It just has to take whatever course it will.
"Life Isn't Good Or Bad; It Just Is" published in Tiny Buddha does a great job capturing this sentiment.
That's when I try to remember that this too will pass, and something better or at least improved will eventually happen. All I need to do is live my life well, as best I can, and enjoy it as much as possible.
I've found that amidst this world of chaos, there's a profound beauty in simply being present, in fully immersing in the here and now.
When we take a step back and tune into the present moment, we can find solace in the simple pleasures of life—the warmth of the sun, the gentle rustle of leaves in the wind, or the laughter of loved ones.
Being in the moment isn't always easy, but doing something fun can be.
Some days, if the difficulty is just a little too much, doing something pleasurable, like listening to great music, playing video games, reading a book, watching a movie, or just going for a walk, helps a lot.